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You are an American if…

  • You “probably” or ”sort of” believe in God; or else believe conclusively that God looks and thinks exactly like you do.
  • You also have been approached by someone asking “Do you know if you’re going to Heaven” and then tells you how you can.
  • You think McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC etc. as “junk food”; but you still eat there.
  • You own a telephone and a TV. Your home is heated in the winter and has its own bathroom. You do your laundry in a machine. You don’t kill your own food and you don’t consider insects, dogs, cats, monkeys, or guinea pigs as food.
  • It’s natural that the telephone system, railroads, automobile manufacturers, airlines, and power companies are privately run. Trains however, don’t go any faster than cars; and you’d rather take a plane.
  • A two-party system is natural. You think parliamentary systems are weird and inefficient.
  • You don’t take Socialism seriously yet see it as the same as Communism.
  • There are only two races that actually matter: “black” and “white”.
  • A child with one black and one white parent is considered to be black.
  • You may admire someone who speaks another language, but you don’t yourself.
  • You think schools should only teach English; and it’s not all that necessary to learn foreign languages anyway since most countries also teach English.
  • World War II was a “Good War” because we won. Vietnam was a “Bad War” because we didn’t.
  • If a politician cheats on his wife, you question his ability to govern.